Dear The Malls,
I like Christmas. The family, the togetherness, the good will towards Man, the whole bit. The hope that it brings me that maybe the human race is worth saving and indeed capable of saving itself. And you know, I won’t even fault you for pushing Christmas on me the day after Thanksgiving, the turkey not yet completely digested in my stomach.
What I don’t like are certain stores that blast their music, making me feel more like Eurotrash at a discotheque than a simple man trying to buy some pants. I also do not appreciate the darkness in some of these stores. I have perfect vision, always have, please do not turn the lights down low so that I have to get dangerously close to clothes. I am not Mr. Magoo.
Also, The Malls, and sometimes you do this, some times you don’t, but I appreciate live music. If you’ve completely decorated the mall, lengthened the hours and let Santa ring a bell out in the parking lot, let’s finish the job and get some live music in there. Kiddie choirs, high school jazz bands, old people olde tyme bands ( RIP Al Conte ), something to liven up the joint.
In conclusion and in summation, I have little choice but to visit you this time of year. You are a Bastions of Commercialization, Castles of Commerce, Shining White Lights of Selling Points in a Dark World of Shopping, act like it.
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